Monday, September 11, 2006
free. at last. i feel better.. i'm me. i've been through alot of thinking. alot and alot and alot of thinking. tears, distress, sadness, joy, freedom, release, happiness.
you guys wanna know what happened? i'll tell you. willingly. everything here is frm the bottom of my heart. including the things said about me. might be a little corny for others. this post, is dedicated to myself. with a special thanks to all who've been thr for me. Keith, Ben, Felicia, Huiyu, Kaiyun and last but not least, Min. =)
here i go....
well. it seems to me that i certain few days ago, a problem resurfaced in my life. the problem of not being able to hear God as well as before. the problem of being confused by too many outlets of knowledge and anointing - let's see, FCBC, CHC, my dad. -. indeed, its been a tough few days. and i myself was not too sure of what i exactly am. in short, i didn't know who i really was.
so i poured my heart out. i unlocked those locks that i had in my heart, those suppressions within, i cried my heart out for those i loved. i found inside me, my true self. i fragile little person, always placing on a strong front for others to see. i wanted people to care for me, yet when they cared i just told them that it was nothing. i hid everything. in hope that one day, someone would truly find the true Henzy David inside Me.
ah. i had just received the best advice that i could ever hear. why is it that way? cuz aft hearing that piece of advice, i suddenly felt that, "hey, what she said was quite true." now obviously it cancels the people list down to a few. she told me to let the spirit lead, to let it be, to not change into something totally different and lastly to be me, not what people say. =)
i feel alot better not. like a heavy burden off my shoulder. i've got a feeling that this is what God wants me to let go of. the mask that i go around with, the shadow that i hide behind. and just be the Henzy David that i was meant to be. i guess God wants to let Henzy David shine for Him, not the henzy david that i was tryin to be to shine for Him. *if only u guys could see that smile on my face* Alas, a new dawn is upon us.
i think was what God was wanting me to let go of. i got a very strong feeling it is! as i type this post out, i can feel the power and presence of God come back into my life. i feel better, i'm being restored! thank you Jesus!!
thanks to all those who've helped me in this short journey again. =) love you guys! u guys rock!
-speechless, filled with joy unthinkable.
The Brethren. Henzy David
As Dusk Falls
9/11/2006 10:40:00 PM
