Wednesday, August 19, 2009
reconsiderations. seriously?
but of course. sometimes in life, we need to stop and look back upon the choices that you've made. i sincerely wonder. or maybe i shouldn't. cuz it's making me think too much.
have i been making the right decisions? have i been truthful to myself about the things that i've done and am doing? do i tally with the things that i say?
it pains us. honestly. to be unsure, to be confused. it pains us because it doesn't allow us to be sure, to be confident. and that will affect my abilities to plan and make choices.
maybe, just maybe it's supposed to be this way. so that i'll give up. and really rely on God. maybe. i'm not sure. but whatever it is, we hate being unsure.
sigh. tragic.
Decepticons, begin your assault!
As Dusk Falls
8/19/2009 11:35:00 PM
Thursday, August 13, 2009
I believe God has a funny sense of Humour. one fateful day 2 years ago, i was sitting in a class in Nanyang Poly for Electronic computer communications engineering. 2 years later, i'm sitting in a class learning about programming and html, knowing almost nuts about it though i have already have some idea what it is about.
well, it's a new class. i'm still adjusting to the changes, but i kinda like it here. the class like got a little club house thing, a room totally for ourselves, and the new people are kinda friendly too. which is a plus. for a moment i thought i was gonna have to survive myself for the next 2 odd years or so. guess i won't have to now. i'm just kinda worried for tomorrow, since i wasn't at last friday's lesson. i didn't exactly know what's going on. haha. oh well. enough about school huh.
on another note. it seems that i'm getting a little pissed off with my life. so i kinda thought about things. what i wanna do with my life.
3) I wanna continue to further myself in Transformerology. or maybe just widen the scope into just plainly collecting toys, repainting toys etc etc etc.
4) I wanna change and improve myself so that i can support and help people.
5) I wanna develop a closer relationship with God.
seriously, i pray that i can do it. i pray for confidence in myself. i pray for myself to be able to love again. i pray that i'm not so confused anymore. i pray that i'll be able to have compassion and a heart for people and the children of God. i pray that i'll be able to uphold my morals. i pray that sooner or later, i'll be able to be a pillar of strength for the person i love. i pray that i won't lose heart anymore. and i pray that i won't become bored or indifferent with life anymore.
Life's too short and fragile to just waste it away worrying and wondering what's gonna come next. it's time to take charge of my own life. while maintaining that balance of God in it. so that i won't become solely the master of my life. but have the capabilities to balance it, doing what He wants for me, and what i want that doesn't go against his plan.
Mhystry. Mhystry is non-existent. neither is all of my other selves or entities. there's only one Henzy David. who goes by the name Duskfall. who is in charge of the name of Mhystry for whatever use that name may be to him. it's about time i stopped hiding myself underneath some veil and a defense mechanism. my lies and deceit have to come to an end one day.
As Dusk Falls
8/13/2009 11:02:00 PM
Friday, August 07, 2009
Compassion, Love, Patriotism, Sentiments. I've never been much for them, never really had the heart to consider them. but we wonder, what is our life becoming without them? have we truly become indifferent towards the needs of others aside from the Close Ones, the [.//ShadowHearts], the circle, the friends? have we gone cold and took for granted this country we are in?
I took a break off the Day of His Power. couldn't concentrate ever since the background music of "Home" was being played, then it had to hit me when Pastor preached about being compassionate or something for SG. which led me to one of those times whereby i just phase out of society and take a quiet high place for myself. considering not only those things, considering nothing, considering to the extent whereby we were not certain of what we really were considering.
It led me to think, how have i come this far? What and who has given me the grace and blessing to get me so far in life? how is my view of the world now? and strangely, when 8.22pm comes on sunday night, will i be apart or will i once again phase out.
Who do i really want? What do i really want?
we know, we'll find it. don't give up, fight on. it's not ended yet. come hell or high water, we're gonna win this. By any means necessary.
Accustomed to Pain. A Curse and A Blessing.
As Dusk Falls
8/07/2009 11:55:00 PM
Thursday, August 06, 2009
"We Have It In Our Power To Begin The World Again." - Thomas Paine
How many of us understand the fragility of things in this world. The fragility of newness, of relationships, of yourselves. this world and all that is within it is so fragile, the smallest shift, the finest twitch would change the outcome of the timeline, of the future.
So what does it mean then to begin again, to pick up the pieces and carry on? In fact, how does one even do so, with that much pressure being put onto us in this current society. Disregarding that point, one would also have to contend with his or her own heart and desires, memories and interactions. How even one of the smallest things can affect a person in such a big manner.
When the Past slowly creeps back into your present, what would you do? How would you control it?
be strong, take courage. it's not over yet. this will not pull you down.
As Dusk Falls
8/06/2009 10:35:00 PM
