Tuesday, July 31, 2007
this is my so called best effort at posting a 1000 word essay. ftlog. it's 1k words. like I've never done 1k words before. but well, i can say it's gonna be a good try. these few words won't be included though.
the title of this post, is hereby named,
We of which who know no fear
so, let's fill'er up. well, the question has been going out there. what's gone wrong with Henzy David? so, i shall first of all explain the situation. it seems that getting into a relationship while in a church has a series of unfortunate events trialing it. but getting into the relationship was not the problem, as nowhere in the bible does it show that we are not allowed to have relationships.
the problem only started when i had the sudden impulse to try to prove all the church theories wrong. why you ask? well, the only reason i can find for that(and well, to me reasons are excuses), is that i felt that there were alot of people suffering from the perceived 'wrath' of the leaders. I'm not saying that i am too, my leader is quite a nice person. but who doesn't have flaws? therefore, in an attempt to try to be like martin Luther, and try to change things that were against the majority, it seemed that i got myself all messed up.
not bad for a first try at butting heads. problem one, trying to prove the church wrong, led to problem two, going against authority. which after that, i then am led to read Romans 13:1-7 by Jasper first, then my leader. but the thing is, Jasper's explanation for Romans 13:1-7 doesn't prove my point, then humans have no right to take people off service to God. until me, my leader and his wife finally sat down and let me, i repeat, let me understand the full thing. and finally, the thing that struck me was
no matter what, whether the leader falls or not, God will not shortchange you. if the leader falls, God will let you know.
well, with that, i finally realised that well, i was kinda in the wrong. but it was all good, for God has His plans for us. He showed me that all this while(for the past few years), i was not relying on Him, but on my strength alone to walk the journey. that all this while, i have only considered my point of view on the situations around me, although during the past one year God has allowed me to change that, thus now i am able to consider other's point of view too.
i won't say that now i can agree with the statement the "the leader knows what's best for you". but i can say that now, I'm trying my best to listen and do things even though i don't want to. but it will not stop me from voicing out my opinions, just that it would be in a less harsh manner, and not so direct as that time.
what I've learnt? that the other question that is spread around by people. well, if you wanna prove things, it can be done in a nicer, more civilised manner. that one cannot rely on himself alone to walk the journey God has set him on. that it is alright to admit your mistakes. i've learnt to be more like Jesus through this, more full of grace, ready to forgive and forget. to reset the pages even after the whole situation. for me, it's that easy, one word sorry erases the past. but my greatest takeaway is this. that no matter what, God will not shortchange you. so, i learn, to do what God tells me to.
well, to the people that are affected, which i don't seem to know why. cuz to me, you have nothing to be affected by this for. i still will say, sorry. my actions and words have caused you to be stumbled in your walk with God. thus i apologise.
although, it is a strange thing to find out, but there's this that i tell you. when i'm somewhere, i'm there to learn about the place, to find out every single flaw that i can find, and counter it at a point. i think, what Min said about me a few years back is really true, i'm a perfectionist. i only realise this now, i want the most perfect way to God. but i realise that everyone will make mistakes, even i. that's why we have grace. the things i've learnt, the church teachings, to me, it simply will not and cannot match what God has taught me. to me, those things are superficial. God has taught me, that the most important things to have are these, forgiveness; learning from your mistakes; grace; love; compassion; being an empty vessel, for the empty vessel, though makes the most noise, but has the greatest capacity for God to fill with His spirit; weak, for he uses the weak to shame the strong, and his strength will be abounding in the weak; to be humble; to know that everything that i do and can do come from God and God alone; and last but not least, to have a heart, like that of Jesus Christ.
why is this post titled 'we of which who know no fear', that's because God has taught me that in whatever situation, i need not fear, for He will always be with me. it is the greatest takeaway of my life. the one thing i learnt that i treasure most. knowing that whatever happens, God will always be there for you.
with this, i end.
As Dusk Falls
7/31/2007 01:16:00 PM
Monday, July 30, 2007
it takes great humility to understand and accept that one is wrong, yet, it takes even more humility to say it out, the confess that you have made a mistake, and apologise for it.
i know now, that i am wrong. but i'm not here to show that i have humility, i'm just here to sincerely apologise for the mistake that i have made in the past few weeks. it seems that God, indeed, has showed to me and made me realise that the things i've done are not things that would be pleasing to Him. thus, i am here, to make a sincere apology, to all the people that i have wronged, or caused trouble to. if you won't accept the apology, then do not leave any comments. i do not wish to hear from you if you won't.
with that, i say it for one last time, that this case, is officially closed.
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God has shown me thru this whole period of time, that i truly cannot rely on my own strength alone. truly, how much i've been pushing myself, how much i've been holding up the walls all by my own strength, and not allowing him to help me. i know my mistake, and i'm going to let go, and let God. He has brought me so far in this journey of life, so far. and blessed me with so much. yet what have i done? caused so much hurt to him everytime i sin, everytime i choose to do things my own way. i know my mistake, and i'm ready to change.
In Life, a person has the chance to do everything. It just matters whether or not he wants to do it. - Henzy David
indeed, in life, a person can do everything, it's just whether he wants to. a person can choose to listen, or do otherwise. a person can want to do wrong, or do right. it's all about choices, whether or not we want to do the right thing, or allow our impulses and temptations to influence ourselves to do the wrong things. this is another lesson that i've learnt.
There is a first for everything, it just matters how one takes it. - Henzy David
there is a God. I know that. and I know that He always remembers everything that is said, that He will never forsake you once you have chosen Him, then He will always be there to support you and guide you through your life. That he always loves, unconditionally, always cares, and never lets you down. this is my God, our God, the King of Heaven, the Lord of Lords, the name, of Jesus Christ.
As Dusk Falls
7/30/2007 05:31:00 PM
Saturday, July 28, 2007
well. i'm actually quite happy. haha, free, see. when you don't really go and bother about the crap(totally agree with ben on this) that people give. i'm happy. but tonight, i'm here, not to crap about my feelings within or whatsoever, but to talk about treasuring the small things.
lemmie pop you a question, how many times do you wake up and thank God that you're alive? haha, well, i seem to be guilty of this too. but well, the thing is this. that sometimes, we overlook all the small things and just bother about the big ones, and complain, "argh, i'm not like this other guy." or "God, why is my life so sad? why am i not as rich as that other guy. why am i not as good looking."
well, i think that we should be more appreciative of the small things that God has already given to us. like the ability to survive thru a day, or enough money to last you for every meal that you need, or enough clothes to wear, a place to stay, people to talk to. instead of complaining about the things that we don't have, or the things that we want. when we know that we have all that we need. thank God for them.
so here's my thanksgiving for the people around me once again.
to my brothers, in the cell(Ben, Keith, Melvin, Ivan and Anthony): well, truth be told, i really appreciate all the things that you've done for me, the advices, the birthday cakes, even the lectures and the tolerance of my lameness. truthfully speaking, you guys have seen me thru and helped me change so much that i don't even have the words to describe it. really, a big thanks to you all, and sorry for what you all perceive as my "nonsense".
to AhPa RongHui: so, truth be told, you should have been included in the portion above, but well. i decided against that thought. thanks for everything too, well, even though i haven't been that great of a spiritual son. i still want to thank you for trying to understand me and hear me out whenever i give you problems. well, i don't think i got anything else to say. =)
to Jasper, verse-sworn brother, a loyal brethren, and General: well. it has to come to this again. haha. thanks bro, for standing with me when it seems that no one else would. you've shown me loyalty and support at it's most extreme(in my percention). i don't think anyone else can be such a brother as you are to me. thanks bro.
to Wayne, Shiroi-des: thanks for all the bleach and even the lecture. lol. well, it is a joy to always have someone to accompany until jurong east everytime we have an outing. haha.
and finally, saving the best for last, to Amelia: a great thanks to you. i don't think anyone else can understand me the way you do other than God. well, thank you, for assuring me that you will walk this journey with me, for all the kind words of support and encouragement. for the care and concern. well, you truly are a blessing to me in my life. both blessing, and joy. thank God for you.
As Dusk Falls
7/28/2007 11:32:00 PM
events thus far have shown, that i always like to take things into my own hands. to be responsible for the outcomes of things around me. well, i've got no idea what so ever of why do i like doing that. i've got a feeling its my strong sense of justice.
whatever it is, i learnt that it's not for me to be bothered about it, bothered about the outcome of the situation. simply put it, i'm just concerned for how these people will end up, i just don't want to see people not in heaven at the end of the day. well, it's not for me to decide after all right? we're all given free will, the freedom of choice.
i suppose even if i continue doing what i'm doing right now, the end would be more people ignoring me, so, why bother. if they don't want to hear what i've got, then i'll pack up, shake the dust off my feet and move on. right now, it's case closed. i've benefitted from this cuz i've learnt.
Friday, July 27, 2007
in general, this is a simple post about my thoughts.
-concerning the things that have been happening for the past few days.
well, it sure seems like a heck of a war within myself and all around me. but the thing is, who answers what questions now? and which questions will be answered. in the end, who's side am i on, that's the greatest question. do i still go back to what i was before? or do i allow myself to change certain stuff about myself? truth be told, the answer is not the latter question, but the first question.
in the end, my stand is still that i will answer to God and God alone, i am not sinning, neither am i doing anything wrong or against human morals. this is my stand.
-in concern to more recent events within myself.
well, i've sincerely been very tired due to this events, and am surely running low on cash at this current moment, but cash isn't really the problem since i'm getting my allowance tomorrow. haha. it is the tiredness. why? why must a person be put thru this kind of events? testing? or what? well. i don't know, i just know that i need rest, and at the same time, i need to finish this thing up, before it drains me.
-the rest of my thoughts
well. certainly, it's been a trying time, leading me to think, if this is the so-called Year of Victory, what have i been victorious in? well, certainly, finding back my true self, being able to enter Lasalle, changing my handphone, finding people who understand me, growing closer to my Lord.
-my final words
this is why i say that i answer to God and God alone, cuz i won't allow anyone to take responsibility for my life except for myself. I know God i can trust, I know He can do everything for me, I know He will not fall, I know He will not lead me down the wrong way. Human Beings, i cannot trust, only a few, only a few. leaders, i understand that you are still human beings, but if you can assure me that you will only follow God and not man, then i will listen to the words that you speak, and maybe, i'll follow. but only if you can assure me that, only, if you're doing what i'm doing now.
-my prayer
Father, Father in Heaven. All I have is yours, all i am is yours. you clearly can see that, you obviously know, for you are the one that can see into my heart, the one that truly understands me. Lord, this day, i come back to your throne in awe and reverence of you, of your power and your glory. I just pray now Lord, that you grant me rest, and you grant the rest of the people around me understanding, wisdom to understand and discern what is right from wrong not by the paradigm of other humans, but by yours. finally, I commit myself, and all those who i consider friends, brethren, family, and trusted, to you Lord.
For You are my Strength, Strength like no other. You are my Hope, Hope like no other. unfailing love, stronger than mountains, deeper than oceans. you have let this reach out to me. you have died for me, you have allowed me to live for another day, you have granted me a calling, you have given me a purpose, you have taught me love, forgiveness and grace. You are my Lord and King, and I thank you, for every single blessing that you have given onto me, unto the undeserving me. and i Thank You Lord. for this. In the name of Jesus, i seal this prayer, knowing that it is answered. thank you Lord, Amen.
As Dusk Falls
7/27/2007 11:40:00 AM
Thursday, July 26, 2007
in regards to the previous posts, well. i understand that some of you are very, umm, moved/affected/sent into thinking by the post. which is a good thing, my post has done it's job. well, i shall not dwell on that topic unless anyone has any opinions to voice out, which can be done at my tagboard.
disclaimer notice: just to make sure, and just to get it off my chest. i know some of you people out there are thinking "who's he to challenge the leadership?" or "who's he to talk about them in this way." or "aiya, he always got this kind of rebel spirit, always getting him in this kind of trouble, we tell him he don't listen, let him learn by himself lor." right people?
if you're thinking that way, i suggest two options, as follows
1) you can choose to reflect on the things i'm talking about and give your honest comments, without any bias to any leader whosoever expect God the Father, or
2) you can keep your thoughts back in your mind, play nice, and follow the leader.
--end of topic--
well, i've found a jacket that i want. great, it fits every requirement that i have for a jacket, being hood/cloth/non-glossy(shiny). still in deep thoughts. it cost quite a bomb thought, a little bit over a hundred. haha.
As Dusk Falls
7/26/2007 11:58:00 PM
If God's already forgiven me for what I've done, who are you to bear grudge against me, even let alone, why are you doing so? i'm seeing this 'probation' period as bullshit. and you can obviously notice that i'm saying this is a damn direct manner.
that's the thing see, God, the Father in Heaven has already forgiven us of all sins, Past, Present and FUTURE. and God, what i did wasn't even sin, it was neither right, nor wrong. so look at this, my point has been proven, but i shall ask again, are you following the church, or are you following God? are you being like the leaders above you? or are you being like the one that you're supposed to be like, Jesus Christ our Lord? think about it.
if He can forgive and give grace freely, why can't we do the same?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
it just came out right, well, i don't know, it just went bam! like seriously, i didn't know what i was doing. it just seems that something in me just wants to prove the church wrong, which indeed is the thing that needs to be done in some perspective, but not that desperately.
argh, to heck with it, it doesn't really matter whether i'm in participating in the ministry or not, it's just that, it doesn't sit right with me cuz nowhere, and i emphasize on nowhere, in the bible does it state that a human being, notice, HUMAN BEING, can set the rules and state whether or not a person has the right to worship or be in the ministry. that's that. unless anyone of you, anyone, can prove to me that it's stated in the bible, then i will listen. but not, it will not sit right.
humans make things more complicated for themselves. Jesus, i really wonder, did you go thru this with them pharisees too? i just wonder, why in the world do people think that way?
well, prove it to me, and i shall listen, but not obey. sincerely speaking, if accounting and not accounting doesn't make any difference in the thing that happens to a person, then i'd rather not account.
now i understand why people are so sick of this, but i'm not gonna go.
and now, i really understand the dream.
As Dusk Falls
7/25/2007 11:58:00 AM
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
it seems that Tuesdays to me are quite fun and enjoyable days, occasionally, but sometimes, Tuesdays do turn against me, but today isn't one of them. haha. today was one of the more enjoyable Tuesdays.
well, enjoyable, considering the fact that I'm low on cash and unable to get the stuff that i want, but well, the stuff that i want might not necessarily be the stuff that i need.
well, i was just thinking, where in the bible did it state that a human being can take away the rights of another human being in worshipping or doing God's work in the crowd or ministering to others? or was it another rule set by the church?
just a question.
well, thanks for your words of advice Hannah, really appreciate it. =)
As Dusk Falls
7/24/2007 11:37:00 PM
Monday, July 23, 2007
The second I think of you, I know a happy thought is coming up.
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the only way to generate ideas, is to have fun, love what you're doing.
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Thanks Hannah and Amelia for the encouragements and affirmations and the believing in me. well, it does make sense, that God will only test you to your capability. so, well, with that thought, i'm ready to face the challenge, knowing that with God, all is possible. but i still am feeling the stress, and i really wonder, how long can i hold up my will to go on, how long can i handle "never give up", i know i'm the type that will push myself to the very limit of breaking down and still push thru, but i don't know how long i can continue doing that, everyone has a limit, no matter how much i don't want to believe that for myself, i think, i still do. but as of old, just like in the past, i will hold, now, even stronger than before, as i know that i have someone here to support me til the end and i know, i have God.
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in a generation that knows no bounds, how long can the Brethren last, he who is both paradox and mystery, this general shall charge, into even the abyss, for he has been called to be "light", a shining light, thus he shall be, never giving up, even till the death. i still thank you everyday, deep down in my heart, for those words that you said to me. that i have a purpose in your purpose, that the empty vessel, which makes the most noise, will however, be the one who shall be filled most with the power of the Lord. thus, with this promise, i shall stand firm in the faith.
As Dusk Falls
7/23/2007 10:59:00 PM
Dear God, i don't know what's going on right now. things are just flying by so fast, too fast for even I to catch up with. I'm a tad bit confused, a little stressed, somewhat pressured, and well, just mentally tired from all the things that are happening around me. Jesus, I need your help, I know I can't do this without you in my life, without the help and thoughts of yours, that's why I'm asking now, for help from you, for revelation, discernment, refreshment, rejuvenation of what was lost, strength, wisdom, courage to stand strong, perseverance, understanding, and most of all, rest. that is my prayer for today. Father, I ask that all in the name of Jesus, knowing, with that Faith of mine, that it will be granted onto me.
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the recent days have been trying, and tiring. so close i've come to the edge of breaking down, yet by God's grace, i'm sustained. it's like only those who really go so close the edge will understand what i've felt, only those who have gone thru it before will appreciate things around them more for what they are, rather than taking things for granted.
i'm still a little mentally tired, and i don't know how to get rest for mental tiredness, but well, i'm just relying on God. like, it's after all, the only thing that i can do, but i still can't say that I do that the best, though i really wish i could say it. with school starting soon, i'm abit nervous, i don't know what to expect, and it feels a little, frustrating when i don't know what to expect or do there. plus, some other things that are bothering me, is well, my phone bill and my cash restriction, i just don't seem to have enough cash for the things that i want to buy, like clothes for example. well. it's just irritating, but well, God, Father, I just pray that you make a way. I'm waiting, still waiting on you Lord. your son cries out. hear him. don't look away.
i can say the only thing that's making me abit more joyful now is that i'm one CD away from the full planetshakers collection. haha, anyone knows how i can get "Phenomena", the 2001 album?
Saturday, July 21, 2007
my apologies for my mannerisms in the previous post, i was just sincerely very pissed off by everything around me.
to those which this matter concerns : I'm sorry, I've been abit not understanding lately, i don't know why, it's just that things lately, have been affecting my mood in such a manner that I'm so easily angered, frustrated and well, pissed off. I'm sorry for not being understanding, and for those times that i flared up. i won't deny my fault, but i just want to let you know that I'm apologetic.
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well, i just don't really know what's going on, i think I've been putting unnecessary stress on myself lately, due to God-knows-what reasons. i just don't know how to do stuff anymore i guess. i just don't know what happened, all i know is that i gotta pick up the pieces, where i left off, and get my ass movin' again.
at least now i know that I've got someone that'll support me, be with me till the end, and i really thank God for that person. indeed, that person has really been a blessing and a gift to me.
well, I'm a little confused about all the things that are going on now, it's like, all hazy after the falling debris. God, it's like, argh. whatever happens, Father, just know this, I'll fight, I'm not gonna give up, because it's both a promise to myself, and a promise to someone special.
in general, i gotta learn to trust once more, i'm just hurt by things that are going on around me, till the extent that i'm changing again, reverting, more or less, to a state where i don't wish to, that's why i'm fighting it. i'm not gonna let myself become what i was, not now, not ever.
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in other matters, i'm still contemplating, Bonecrusher, or no Bonecrusher. argh. note to readers, Bonecrusher is actually a Transformers Action figure.
As Dusk Falls
7/21/2007 11:58:00 PM
Thursday, July 19, 2007
what was it? how would i know? what am i really expecting? i wouldn't know either. it's just that sometimes somethings just don't fit well with me. somethings that are done. everytime i tell someone, they just don't heed the advice, i just don't understand. well, it's true that i can't have my way all the time, but is this really how it goes? must it always be i that is the one doing things? how'd i know.
Sins Past, if you ask me, whether or not things would be different if i didn't go this way, i'd say, truthfully speaking, it would be just a little bit different, but nonetheless, things that i've set in motion, would still be set in motion. the "rebellion", the Civil War, would still have come and gone. it would have come anyway, one way or another, one day, i'd reach my limit about the things that are going on around me, especially with the Church, to finally put it bluntly, since after so many months, you people just don't get the message.
then, the chance of whether or not i'd do it again if i had the chance, i would say, definitely. after all this, i finally know who are with me, who will stand with me thru thick and thin, and those who are just fair-weathered friends, followers of that which is presumably right, well, here, there's nothing for me to comment on. cuz, well, this is Saviour Mentality, and well, those choices are not mine, the lives involved are not mine to weave.
God, i fer~reakin need to do something else rather than think about things that i can't change. for God's sake! i'm just freakin pissed. argh. forget it. grr.
As Dusk Falls
7/19/2007 11:01:00 PM
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
well, today was a really enjoyable day. and well, thanks be to God for the person that spent the day with me, and thanks to the person for giving me such a wonderful and enjoyable day. =) and yes, i have indeed been made to step out of my comfort zone for the past few days, haha. but well, it has been such a great experience. thank you Lord, thank you.
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gah, at this point, i'm like so frustrated with the things happening at home, that the only thing i can say is, "GAH! throw me a bottle of rum!" (don't be mistaken, i'm not an alcholic, it's just something that i picked up from POTC)
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a word of wisdom, and i'll be off, since as of current, i don't have much ideas to post on. haha. oh well.
When We are passionate about God, we can trust our passions.
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The Son can do nothing on his own, but only when he sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, the Son does likewise. - John 5:19 NRSV
i can do nothing on my own, only by looking at what the Father has done, by hearing Him, listening to Him, following Him, then I truly am able.
As Dusk Falls
7/18/2007 11:39:00 PM
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Are You the One, or the Other?
Man, today is one of those days man. like totally enjoyed dance just now, and well, it turned out very very well. haha. hmm, but that's aside the fact which is totally not the point, which in the end, tells you that there's no fact or point. haha. lol, lame. as expected.
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Embrace the Other
it seems that my recent posts are fear-related. like this post which i'm currently working on. so lemmie pop the question, Are you truly embracing what you are? or are you allowing the fears in your life, the fear of not meeting up to expectations, the fear of losing things, the fear of failing.
well. find out who you really are, and embrace that, embrace the Other, if you're hiding yourself. otherwise, embrace yourself, if you are yourself. don't hide behind a mask, or fear, or what so ever you're hiding behind(and yes, there are things as masks, for those who don't believe that there are), be yourself, be what you truly can be, be what you dream to be, be that which you are called to be.
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those who treasure and those who are treasured,
those who love and those who are loved,
those who's promises are kept and those who keep promises,
these are the ones that one day will find a way to each other.
In Memory and in Reality. -Henzy David
As Dusk Falls
7/17/2007 11:57:00 PM
Monday, July 16, 2007
lately, i find myself borrowing alot of books from the library. but wait, what books are these you say? well, sadly for the shops that are concerned, these books be the Ultimate Spider-Man comics. haha. yay, another ingenious way to save money not created by Henzy David. haha.
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reading comics does give people insights you know. a good example is myself, as you can see from this post and past posts. haha.
"There are some things you hope for, but never dare speak out loud." - Captain America
well. isn't this something that is so true. sometimes, when we really have stuff that we really really want, we just don't dare to say it out. what's preventing us from doing so? the fear of being laughed at? of being labelled as selfish or pushy or even a control freak?
well. i wouldn't think so now, but i used to. especially when people pointed out to me that i always decide where to go or what to do. they say it gave them the feeling that i'm just doing that which i feel like doing without considering other's opinion and feelings. hmm, that point, would be partially true. but most of the time i just say what comes to my mind, which isn't a good thing at times.
back to the topic. so what truly is the thing that's not allowing you to speak out what you truly want? for me, i guess, it would be that fear of being labelled selfish or self-concerned. but i learnt that well, that fear shouldn't prevent me from speaking my mind, provided that well, you really aren't self-centered and all.
well. my final say. i believe we all have the rights to freedom of speech, and that fear is an entity that shouldn't be allowed in any area of our lives. thus, say your piece, but be wary of the signals that you are giving others, for some signals are truly not what you really would want to show.
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well. i'm posting this cuz i really feel that ah pa, you should read it and that i know that you don't usually read my tagboard. lol. it's posted by Amelia. =) ps, reply. thanks.
Amelia: to Rong Hui, thanks for being willing to help us. Thank you for being such a nice friend to me. Thank you for the words said to us.
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I'm not ashamed of your Gospel Lord,
your power and your love,
has saved my soul,
now I'm alive in you.
I live in the Risen Son.
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Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. - Romans 12:11
As Dusk Falls
7/16/2007 11:34:00 PM
Sunday, July 15, 2007
A day to remember in the universe of Henzy David. as the Civil War comes to a close, the war between himself, and all the other things that could ever come into concern with him. many things have happened, but well, God is just great in the end.
Civil War : Epilogue
Emerging from the debris, Henzy David finds himself in a totally new situation. with greater understanding, and a more, open mind. the Civil War really took a great toll on him, yet, it has shown him something else. it's shown him how much does he really truly love God. it's shown him how much does he truly treasure his true, loyal, and standing/supporting till the end brethren Jasper. how much he really wants to have a nice understanding relationship with his cell leader/spiritual father. and last but not least, how much he truly loves that sister of his with all he has.
in the end, the Civil War has truly shown him who stands by his side, who's willing to support him, and who's there that he can really trust. along with the disbanding of the 'inner circle' group.
well, one thing that's evident is that he's really learnt, what does it truly mean to be happy, what truly are tears of joy and regained the ability to love and give freely.
---This chapter comes to a close---
to ah pa: well. i'd really say that what i want, would be a chance to just sit down and allow you to understand me and me to do the same. it seems that that's the only way for us to really come and fufill "when brothers come together in unity." i am, truly hoping to be more accountable with the things that i'm doing, especially with her. and really thanks that you said you would help us. =) thank you.
to Amelia: well. it's the beginning of a beautiful new chapter ain't it. =) let's do this together partner. haha. our agreements still stand.
to Jasper: aye, brethren. thanks for everything. =) what you said to me before worship moved me to tears. thanks, for being that brother to me no matter what the situation is. thank God for you.
As Dusk Falls
7/15/2007 11:47:00 PM
Friday, July 13, 2007
As I sit here, chowing down on my instant noodles, listening to Hillsong's Saviour King album, I ponder about life. (well, there goes the instant noodles) in fact, i ponder about my life. about the things that I've done.
In this "Civil War" period, as i would call it, it has really become a period of time where i 'thread lightly' and take my steps precariously. It has really made me realise how much my next moves would affect my future, and well, how much it'd affect the people around me.
I really come to think back on the choices that I made, and really ponder on this question, "Given a 2nd chance to do something that I did before, would I do it again?" well, for certain, somethings that i really thought of, i knew that i wouldn't want to repeat. for example, a few certain friendships, a few people that i had infatuations for. yeah. just a thought to ponder upon. and well, indeed, there are certain things
the Brethren's sting, that's what i'd call it.
As Dusk Falls
7/13/2007 11:57:00 PM
Thursday, July 12, 2007
today was quite a boring day, aside that fact that i was doing up a blog for a certain someone, the day was pretty boring. hmm. well. i've really got not much things to post, cuz well, i'm pretty braindead and tired right now. lol.
went for cell group just now. well, it's not much of a difference from the normal cell groups that i have been attending, just that it was different with the return of Daniel, Teryl and with Anthony's friend Samuel, who is going into army tomorrow(God Bless Him) joining us.
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been spending my time reading the Civil War comics from Spider-Man's point of view, but that's just totally useless information, aside that fact that it was superbly interesting and stuff. but the thing is, i caught this one thing that really stood out to me from within the whole comic.
" "If you alone of all the nation shall decide one way, and that way be the right way according to your convictions of the right, you have done your duty by yourself and by your country, hold up your head, you have nothing to be ashamed of."
It doesn't matter what the press says. doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. this nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences.
when the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world-- --No, you move."
-Captain America.
indeed. these said words of the patriot Captain America, resound from to Marvel Universe out to reality. even if it is from fiction, these words truly have power in their meaning. and truly, really have impacted me in a different manner.
As Dusk Falls
7/12/2007 11:15:00 PM
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
I can start a comic book series about my own life already. I've got like all these nice little titles for all the things that are happening around me.
caught [Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix] today with Amelia. well, it was quite a nice show. i wouldn't say it was bad or anything. but i'm not exactly in the right mood to blog about that today. well, i doubt it'd be blogging about it soon either. so. oh well.
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i still thank you for your act of grace to allow me time for explainations. well, i really hope to clear up the fog between us right now. and well, just allow you to see from my point of view on why things are going this way. i just hope that the same grace would be given at the end of all this, and that you respect my decision at the end of it with the same amount of respect that i have given to you. no matter how concealed it was.
hmm, well, i really hope that it will be able to be settled in a manner that is mature and respectful to both parties. as i know that both parties are of mature and wise persona. my final word for the night, and always shall be, would be this. Thank You.
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i grabbed this off Kirsten's friendster profile. haha, sry mate, without your permission. xD but i found it pretty meaningful. so i decided to 'adapt' it.
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
As Dusk Falls
7/11/2007 11:49:00 PM
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
at least i've found my true brethren. but i just wonder, how long will they run this journey with me.
nonetheless, had a great time at dance just now. well. it was let's say, just one of those 'clean-up' lessons. haha. and it was great cuz like, you really find out where you went wrong before, and do stuff about it to make it better. while learning new stuff at the same time. so, cool. haha.
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to ahpa and whom it may concern:
well. that's what you perceive. but perceiving is not the key to understanding. which is what you don't have over me. i'm ok with those who say things i don't like to hear. like ben for eg. but i'm talking abt trust here. which isn't the submitting, or the act of only accounting when one is found out. which is once again, what you perceive. i just want to know. who's word will you take? mine, as a person involved? or theirs, who only tell you what they see?
who will you listen to more? those who just report, or those who are involved? who's explanation will you hear? or will you once again say that explanations are not required? thereby granting me a chance to perceive that you want your way, which in your point of view is right, thereby choosing to neglect an explanation given to you, or are just more 'experienced' in leadership than i am, and know more of the world than i do. which is it? but wait, that is just my point of view, lest you grant yourself a chance to explain it to me.
i really think we should sit down and rectify the wrongs, or to put it nicely, the misunderstandings that we have made to each other. or will you once again tell yourself and the rest of those who stand beside you, "look at the pride that Henzy David bears. He thinks his ways are always right and that no one can stop him from doing what he does. he thinks that he doesn't need the help and advice of the leader. and is rebellious, choosing to not account and submit to authority of the leader."
but the thing is, i have none of it. none of those things that were mentioned above. for only those who truly know themselves within will dare say that.
i really think we really should sit down and have a nice chat won't we. but know this, you have gained my respect but you've yet to understand me my friend. let alone, gain my trust.
As Dusk Falls
7/10/2007 11:48:00 PM
Monday, July 09, 2007
it seems that my blog is rotting. that's what i can tell. but then again. i'm here to revive this rotting blog. with the greatest effort that i can.
so tell me once more why i'm here on this earth? what the purpose? just questions to consider. however. there's something else that i seem to need to attend to right now. which is the issue of trust.
well. it seems that the issue of trust has always been an important issue in my life. how bout yours? you ever felt those times when you're just lookin for people to talk about stuff that you just can't tell the rest of the world, or your friends, let alone, what they call, the family.
wait. if you're thinkin that i'm having a problem here. think again. i'm just trying to talk about trust.
well. it seems that my circle of trust always grows and shrinks, grows and shrinks, and the cycle repeats itself over and over and over again. so. what's exactly on my mind? well. truth is, i'm just thinking, who are the ones that i can trust? what about the 'inner circle' that i mentioned many posts back? hmm. good question. i somehow can't even answer it myself. where were my brethren when i needed them. sighs. people like who are loyal are a dying breed. the world, the ability to trust people in this world, well. i just can say that it's facing extinction. think about it people. think about it church. are we here to support, or to tear down. if your answer is to support, then why are you doing what your doing now? do your actions justify your words and thoughts? think about it. check your hearts.
i've said my piece. now, the choice to change and rectify your actions is yours. savvy?
As Dusk Falls
7/09/2007 11:58:00 AM
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Is it fear or courage that compells you?
- Megatron.
well that's a nice question, even if it's from the leader of the evil decepticons. now go ponder. haha. fear? or courage? haha. well. I finally caught the movie Transformers! and it was awesome i tell you. just pure awesome. i rate it, 9.5/10. the missing 0.5 is due to the little draggy part at the beginning. but yeah. awesome.
Freedom is the right to all sentient beings
-Optimus Prime
As Dusk Falls
7/03/2007 11:58:00 PM
Monday, July 02, 2007
Why are you here, unsure of your abilities? When I will give you all that you ask for, and make you the light to your generation?
well. it's been a great past few days, revelations, joyous occasions, and well, MORE COMICS! not~. hmm. well. let's review a few things that i did over the past few days.
1 - Help my AhPa pack up stuff for moving to his new humble abode.
2 - Entertain the thought of watching Transformers
3 - Great time of fellowship with Keith, Ben, Khongster(Anthony), Jasper and Justin at Carls Jr.
4 - Dinner and Dessert with Amelia and Nataline. Clementi to Holland Village
5 - Entertain the thought of going to Ben & Jerry's for ice-cream.
well. guess that's it. but i guess God really has better plans for me. hmm, here's a review of what God planned out for me during the past few days.
1 - A few simple yet mind-racking revelations
2 - Finding myself
3 - Healing of sicknesses
4 - Affirmation and Encouragement.
hmm. not as many as my plans are. but then, what He did, really caused a storm within me. and set me into thinking. well. yeah. God, is an awesome God He reigns on Heaven and Earth with wis~dom, power, love our God is an awesome God. indeed, thank you for everything that you've blessed me with Father. Praise you.
As Dusk Falls
7/02/2007 11:45:00 PM
