Tuesday, July 31, 2007
this is my so called best effort at posting a 1000 word essay. ftlog. it's 1k words. like I've never done 1k words before. but well, i can say it's gonna be a good try. these few words won't be included though.
the title of this post, is hereby named,
We of which who know no fear
so, let's fill'er up. well, the question has been going out there. what's gone wrong with Henzy David? so, i shall first of all explain the situation. it seems that getting into a relationship while in a church has a series of unfortunate events trialing it. but getting into the relationship was not the problem, as nowhere in the bible does it show that we are not allowed to have relationships.
the problem only started when i had the sudden impulse to try to prove all the church theories wrong. why you ask? well, the only reason i can find for that(and well, to me reasons are excuses), is that i felt that there were alot of people suffering from the perceived 'wrath' of the leaders. I'm not saying that i am too, my leader is quite a nice person. but who doesn't have flaws? therefore, in an attempt to try to be like martin Luther, and try to change things that were against the majority, it seemed that i got myself all messed up.
not bad for a first try at butting heads. problem one, trying to prove the church wrong, led to problem two, going against authority. which after that, i then am led to read Romans 13:1-7 by Jasper first, then my leader. but the thing is, Jasper's explanation for Romans 13:1-7 doesn't prove my point, then humans have no right to take people off service to God. until me, my leader and his wife finally sat down and let me, i repeat, let me understand the full thing. and finally, the thing that struck me was
no matter what, whether the leader falls or not, God will not shortchange you. if the leader falls, God will let you know.
well, with that, i finally realised that well, i was kinda in the wrong. but it was all good, for God has His plans for us. He showed me that all this while(for the past few years), i was not relying on Him, but on my strength alone to walk the journey. that all this while, i have only considered my point of view on the situations around me, although during the past one year God has allowed me to change that, thus now i am able to consider other's point of view too.
i won't say that now i can agree with the statement the "the leader knows what's best for you". but i can say that now, I'm trying my best to listen and do things even though i don't want to. but it will not stop me from voicing out my opinions, just that it would be in a less harsh manner, and not so direct as that time.
what I've learnt? that the other question that is spread around by people. well, if you wanna prove things, it can be done in a nicer, more civilised manner. that one cannot rely on himself alone to walk the journey God has set him on. that it is alright to admit your mistakes. i've learnt to be more like Jesus through this, more full of grace, ready to forgive and forget. to reset the pages even after the whole situation. for me, it's that easy, one word sorry erases the past. but my greatest takeaway is this. that no matter what, God will not shortchange you. so, i learn, to do what God tells me to.
well, to the people that are affected, which i don't seem to know why. cuz to me, you have nothing to be affected by this for. i still will say, sorry. my actions and words have caused you to be stumbled in your walk with God. thus i apologise.
although, it is a strange thing to find out, but there's this that i tell you. when i'm somewhere, i'm there to learn about the place, to find out every single flaw that i can find, and counter it at a point. i think, what Min said about me a few years back is really true, i'm a perfectionist. i only realise this now, i want the most perfect way to God. but i realise that everyone will make mistakes, even i. that's why we have grace. the things i've learnt, the church teachings, to me, it simply will not and cannot match what God has taught me. to me, those things are superficial. God has taught me, that the most important things to have are these, forgiveness; learning from your mistakes; grace; love; compassion; being an empty vessel, for the empty vessel, though makes the most noise, but has the greatest capacity for God to fill with His spirit; weak, for he uses the weak to shame the strong, and his strength will be abounding in the weak; to be humble; to know that everything that i do and can do come from God and God alone; and last but not least, to have a heart, like that of Jesus Christ.
why is this post titled 'we of which who know no fear', that's because God has taught me that in whatever situation, i need not fear, for He will always be with me. it is the greatest takeaway of my life. the one thing i learnt that i treasure most. knowing that whatever happens, God will always be there for you.
with this, i end.
As Dusk Falls
7/31/2007 01:16:00 PM
