Thursday, August 23, 2007
it's that time of the year again. looking back. either that, or i just feel like putting down my thoughts on my blog.
hectic schedule. grueling series of events. unexpected problems. outcasted, outnumbered, rejected, put down, pressed into a corner, unappreciated, hurt, lost, desperate, hopeless, on the verge of breaking down and finally, nearly wanting to give up.
these were the feelings that were running through me for the past few weeks as i went thru what i felt was the toughest period in the whole history of Henzy David. well. i don't think that it's over yet. knowing the way things work around me. i can't exactly say I'm prepared for it. but I'll take it in my stride.
well. somehow or rather, i just feel so alone right now. even though i have all the friends, a superb clique in a superbly great big black school, a great person to talk to and rely on, a handful of caring and concerned brothers(note, handful = 5 or 6), and parents that are interested in what I'm doing if i make the first step. but i just feel lonely in some certain places. like totally voided of the activities there.
well. i prayed for a reboot. a total refreshment. and i guess God really granted me that, answered my prayer. and now, here i am, refreshed, renewed, and reboot-ed. rebuilding my life ain't something easy i guess. but well, it's something that i guess i have to do. after all the stuff that I've done, the wrong impression of myself that i gave to people. hypocritical. mysterious, i achieved what i set out to do that time, to not let anyone know what exactly i was, not to reveal my weaknesses, but it put in motion things that i never thought would come about. things that i didn't want happen.
things change, people change. i want to change for the better, not for the worse. guilty we were, or arguing like it was no one's business, always neglecting the one that was there with us all along, one whom we were unknowingly firing at. the one who took all our shame, all our faults, all our transgressions, sins, anger, hate, rejection and hurt. God, he took it all. what we do onto others, we're not doing onto them, but onto God. that is my sin, it is something that i am guilty of. something that i don't wish to do again.
As the curtains on the last act close, and the whole show comes to an end. life, truly begins. anew. no masks, no facades, no fear, no guards. Just love, just God, You and I.
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"Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are."
- Casting Crowns (Who Am I)
As Dusk Falls
8/23/2007 10:44:00 PM
