One: Making tutu kueh is an art form.

only certain people that are trained in this art form can successfully accomplish making a proper tutu kueh that doesn't fall apart or stick to the cloth while it is being steamed. interestingly, the more generous people also gain more loyal customers. me being one of them. haha.

God says "The best is yet to come."

i'm just gonna be faithful, and trust Him on this one. as much as i worry so much.

there are signs, as "insignificant" or "unrelated" as they are. the best is really, yet to come.

a New Jetpower Optimus Prime set to be released by Takara Tomy, along with a new Leader Megatron Figure. The Leader Class Starscream Figure, and of course, the Mitsouka Orochi, Alternity Starscream coming on the 29th of May.

Thomas's Birthday, Mine, Project Carnivore, CNY. etc. what else isn't there to celebrate about.

i just wanna live like a normal human. hah, i guess i can't, can i? there's more shit for me to handle, then again, it could be a sign of how much He sees that i can achieve.

give me strength. i'm gonna need it.

well, it turns out that i can't seem to fall asleep somehow, and ended up looking through all the previous letters, cards and wedding invitations that people have given to me for the past 5 years. looking through them brought me back to those times at bukit merah, when service was on Saturdays at 3.30pm. where we'd always gather after service and chill out at the hawker center, where we celebrated birthdays right there and then, where everyone that we knew would be around us, and we all would be a close knit group, and i still thought that 'Magic box' was a place at boat quay next to the Singapore river where there was a pool table and sorts. coined "the golden era" by Jasper, those were the good days.

then there was my baptism, and all the cards related were talking about how I'd grow up and mature, and become a great man for Christ, how proud people were of me for taking the step of faith, how even people that i weren't close to or knew nuts about then would just even contribute to the card. honestly, while i read those cards, i really wonder how many expectations have i crushed beneath my heel, how many people have i disappointed. i guess i didn't turn out the way they would have expected me to become.

and i do wonder, what was their impression of me then? how has that changed? do they look down on me now? do they feel that i'm hopeless? have they given up on changing me? have they abandoned me to be done in by my own actions? what happened Henzy David? what went wrong? where's the fault line? i honestly don't know. it just seemed like one day, i woke up and everything became the way it is now.

reminiscence. those good times are gone. our moment is over. honestly, i'd rather be living my coming days being positive, looking at the bright side, enjoying every moment that i have for what it is, for it's true potential. there are many things troubling my heart, God knows. things i can't do anything about, things that make me worried, things that make me consider.

i don't even know how to end this blog post. haha. my my. sigh. look at the time. it's already 6. there's no need to regret Henzy David. Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be. i will leave this world with a smile on my face. i will not live in regret, and for all the things that i do, i'll do it to my fullest. enjoy life, it's short, but it can be sweet. if you know how to twist it to your advantage.

Me: well, its been a great year, but what i'm hoping for is a greater year ahead. this year has been good, full of ups and downs, but it surely has been good. and i really want to give thanks to God for certain things that have happened over the year. it's been an eventful '09, break ups, new relationships, new revelations. but what i really want to do for 10' is really to begin another new chapter in my life. this year, what i want to do is to really get things right. for those who's walk is righteous, are those which God will be with. because i know that in this current relationship that i'm having with Vivian, God really has to be the center of it. otherwise, things are really gonna fall apart. we've come to far not only by our own efforts, but also by the blessings of the father up above.

another thing that i just really wanna get past this year, get into the next year of studies and just finish up everything, get my diploma. seems like it shows to many that i'm not really putting in much effort for my work. well, guess it's time to change that. haha, with such a hardworking and always-striving-for-excellence-girlfriend, you're bound to be affected.

there's just one notable that i'm really considering. for the past 2-3 weeks, Darkness has really been the main topic of discussion for me. indeed, the Darkest Nights give way to the Brightest Days. this indeed is true. without Darkness, there can be no Light. this is also true, as the strongest Light source can only be seen when all the other lights fade to darkness. but for me, hiding in the darkness has taken it's toll. as much as i enjoy the shade, its tiring to keep up the act. so there's the consideration. step out into the Light and let all see what i truly am, or just remain where i am and remain as i am. i shall decide this soon.

Duskfall: it seems you've made up most stuff in your mind, that is good. very well. looks like you've got it all covered brethren. you should be able to make it through this year again. i'm here, as always, if you need me.

Me: the realization that Humans ultimately find solace and comfort in knowing that they are not alone. this is a powerful notion, it gives them motivation, a source of strength and courage, something to live for.

Duskfall: indeed, it is a notion that serves you well. knowing that those who have been beside you for so long, those that stand by your side, truly appreciate you. that gives you strength doesn't it. the strength to pull yourself together and not allow yourself to fall apart. but i guess we shall cover this topic another time. it's getting late. we still have much to do later. rest well brethren, Happy New Year.