well, it turns out that i can't seem to fall asleep somehow, and ended up looking through all the previous letters, cards and wedding invitations that people have given to me for the past 5 years. looking through them brought me back to those times at bukit merah, when service was on Saturdays at 3.30pm. where we'd always gather after service and chill out at the hawker center, where we celebrated birthdays right there and then, where everyone that we knew would be around us, and we all would be a close knit group, and i still thought that 'Magic box' was a place at boat quay next to the Singapore river where there was a pool table and sorts. coined "the golden era" by Jasper, those were the good days.

then there was my baptism, and all the cards related were talking about how I'd grow up and mature, and become a great man for Christ, how proud people were of me for taking the step of faith, how even people that i weren't close to or knew nuts about then would just even contribute to the card. honestly, while i read those cards, i really wonder how many expectations have i crushed beneath my heel, how many people have i disappointed. i guess i didn't turn out the way they would have expected me to become.

and i do wonder, what was their impression of me then? how has that changed? do they look down on me now? do they feel that i'm hopeless? have they given up on changing me? have they abandoned me to be done in by my own actions? what happened Henzy David? what went wrong? where's the fault line? i honestly don't know. it just seemed like one day, i woke up and everything became the way it is now.

reminiscence. those good times are gone. our moment is over. honestly, i'd rather be living my coming days being positive, looking at the bright side, enjoying every moment that i have for what it is, for it's true potential. there are many things troubling my heart, God knows. things i can't do anything about, things that make me worried, things that make me consider.

i don't even know how to end this blog post. haha. my my. sigh. look at the time. it's already 6. there's no need to regret Henzy David. Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be. i will leave this world with a smile on my face. i will not live in regret, and for all the things that i do, i'll do it to my fullest. enjoy life, it's short, but it can be sweet. if you know how to twist it to your advantage.