i was just thinking about it, partially cuz of the most recent Trybe run at BVSS(and all the previous ones that i volunteered at during the past few weeks), what exactly is my dream. also, during the past few weeks, i've consider other stuff as well, which are all,

Here.

which i'm still pretty uncertain about how to get to the end point about this. hahaha. oh well, i'm trying, day by day i learn, trial and error, photography mags, etc. now all I need is like, a part time job as one that i can't seem to find. got offer please intro. haha.

Like, it just brings me joy, looking at people succeed(some times more than others) in doing what they want to do in life. in reference to the $2 story, $2 in exchange for a life changed, i'm willing to pay that price. I'm still learning, of course, there are so many different kinds of people in this world, and i can't please them all, neither can i help them all, cuz some just don't want to be helped.

I don't give off the 'need to share the gospel with you' vibe. I always believed in balance, sincerity. to show others the Love of Christ, which He has given to Me, instead of just merely telling others about it. this one, is a long story. which i'd rather not elaborate on my blog due to my often conflicting views on this topic with most people.

I notice i have a knack/or gift of God, for proving people wrong in things, especially their beliefs. for reasons unknown or unspecified. qoute Ethan "In my mind, people who are Transformers collectors usually don't get laid. But you have a girlfriend and I don't! How is that possible." ha. ha. ha. ha. i cannot explain this phenomenon to you. because i myself do not know the answer. but that aside, i've recently amassed a collection worth about close to a $1000 SGD worth of Transformers and Marvel figures. yes, it is alot of money, i know. but I do control my spending alot. one would wonder how i have money to spend on my dearest Vivian too. haha. but that too, is another story.

well, welcome to the life of Henzy David. changing as the years go by, getting better. sometimes i hate my life, especially during the schooling days. but what i have now, i'm pretty thankful for them. i see that i'm really blessed by Father to have what i have now. well, i'd want to continue helping others, giving to people what i can give, after all, it's only when you give, that you can receive, receive not only more than what you give, but also to receive a certain joy, that is found only in giving. life's short, you don't have forever on Earth, so seek for the Eternal, instead of the Material, and once you make a choice, don't ever regret it. Don't think too much, don't worry too much. Always have a balance in the things you do. Always be thankful and appreciative. For these are the true keys to having a great life.

well, i'm still damn tired, but i was just thinking about certain stuff about my own personal life. although there was an issue which surfaced recently, and i've come to accept that i have the problem and look for solutions for solving it. it was pretty much a problem about lack of self-esteem. r

Henzy David has fallen asleep at this current moment while typing the post.

picture added for Angela's sake.

"Post happy post, happy post, happy post." turns out that with this much negativity flowing through my views, me being in my current state should already be considered a miracle.

sidenote : "I love my Ipod-Amp-Setup. music's like, escapism."

seriously, i wonder where'd all this negative emotions came from. sigh. i'd create my own group, in vain.

i constantly ask myself this question, as if it's a right, "what of the brethren? what of henzy david?" when will i too experience that much joy which i see others experiencing? why do i always have to be the one behind the scenes. why do i choose to? why do i always portray myself as the one that spreads darkness over all good things? the rebel, the disobedient, the manipulator, the functionalist, the villain. i'd rather call myself an anti-hero. maybe it's a glitch in my system or programming. but that can't be right, God never makes mistakes. so what is it exactly? me myself? my own problem?

damn. they'll never know, they never did. either because i never gave them the chance to, which is the reason that most people will pick, or because they never tried hard enough. sigh. what to do? i don't even know. Father, could you help me out here? i think i'd better stop here. lest i once again sink deeper into the emo stuff.