this series of events usually happen once a person has feelings of being mistreated, of themselves putting in much effort to make something work, but not getting what the expect in return, or just plainly from the way that they were brought up. considering this, a person can either choose to do something about it, like change themselves, accept that the choice is in their hands and make a conscious effort to do something about it, like release forgiveness and not hold grudges against people anymore, or they can choose likewise, to think that the world owes them, to think that they are superior to others. but to be honest, the latter choice will only bring you further down the road of being mistreated, having no one who is willing to put their trust in you. and you will end up hurting yourself more than any one else has ever did in the past.

the choice to break out of the cycle is your own. the first step is to accept the fact that you can do something about it. it's about how strong your willpower is. look at others as your example, never look down on oneself. the only time you'll fail is when you give up trying.

Proverbs 21:2 - 3 : All a man's ways are right to him, but the Lord weighs the Heart. To do what is right and just, is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

i was just thinking about it, partially cuz of the most recent Trybe run at BVSS(and all the previous ones that i volunteered at during the past few weeks), what exactly is my dream. also, during the past few weeks, i've consider other stuff as well, which are all,

Here.

which i'm still pretty uncertain about how to get to the end point about this. hahaha. oh well, i'm trying, day by day i learn, trial and error, photography mags, etc. now all I need is like, a part time job as one that i can't seem to find. got offer please intro. haha.

Like, it just brings me joy, looking at people succeed(some times more than others) in doing what they want to do in life. in reference to the $2 story, $2 in exchange for a life changed, i'm willing to pay that price. I'm still learning, of course, there are so many different kinds of people in this world, and i can't please them all, neither can i help them all, cuz some just don't want to be helped.

I don't give off the 'need to share the gospel with you' vibe. I always believed in balance, sincerity. to show others the Love of Christ, which He has given to Me, instead of just merely telling others about it. this one, is a long story. which i'd rather not elaborate on my blog due to my often conflicting views on this topic with most people.

I notice i have a knack/or gift of God, for proving people wrong in things, especially their beliefs. for reasons unknown or unspecified. qoute Ethan "In my mind, people who are Transformers collectors usually don't get laid. But you have a girlfriend and I don't! How is that possible." ha. ha. ha. ha. i cannot explain this phenomenon to you. because i myself do not know the answer. but that aside, i've recently amassed a collection worth about close to a $1000 SGD worth of Transformers and Marvel figures. yes, it is alot of money, i know. but I do control my spending alot. one would wonder how i have money to spend on my dearest Vivian too. haha. but that too, is another story.

well, welcome to the life of Henzy David. changing as the years go by, getting better. sometimes i hate my life, especially during the schooling days. but what i have now, i'm pretty thankful for them. i see that i'm really blessed by Father to have what i have now. well, i'd want to continue helping others, giving to people what i can give, after all, it's only when you give, that you can receive, receive not only more than what you give, but also to receive a certain joy, that is found only in giving. life's short, you don't have forever on Earth, so seek for the Eternal, instead of the Material, and once you make a choice, don't ever regret it. Don't think too much, don't worry too much. Always have a balance in the things you do. Always be thankful and appreciative. For these are the true keys to having a great life.

well, i'm still damn tired, but i was just thinking about certain stuff about my own personal life. although there was an issue which surfaced recently, and i've come to accept that i have the problem and look for solutions for solving it. it was pretty much a problem about lack of self-esteem. r

Henzy David has fallen asleep at this current moment while typing the post.

picture added for Angela's sake.

"Post happy post, happy post, happy post." turns out that with this much negativity flowing through my views, me being in my current state should already be considered a miracle.

sidenote : "I love my Ipod-Amp-Setup. music's like, escapism."

seriously, i wonder where'd all this negative emotions came from. sigh. i'd create my own group, in vain.

i constantly ask myself this question, as if it's a right, "what of the brethren? what of henzy david?" when will i too experience that much joy which i see others experiencing? why do i always have to be the one behind the scenes. why do i choose to? why do i always portray myself as the one that spreads darkness over all good things? the rebel, the disobedient, the manipulator, the functionalist, the villain. i'd rather call myself an anti-hero. maybe it's a glitch in my system or programming. but that can't be right, God never makes mistakes. so what is it exactly? me myself? my own problem?

damn. they'll never know, they never did. either because i never gave them the chance to, which is the reason that most people will pick, or because they never tried hard enough. sigh. what to do? i don't even know. Father, could you help me out here? i think i'd better stop here. lest i once again sink deeper into the emo stuff.

i guess you could say that i lost my way, and now i've seen the light. the darkness is clearing, and the path that i must take, becoming clearer. i cannot continue on like this, a drifter. plainly just floating around everywhere, not taking ownership of anything for fear of responsibility and everything that comes with it. i must pick myself up. and the first step is awareness of your current plight.

thanks Vivian, bei er, without you, He couldn't have showed me what i'm doing now. i'm grateful to you for this. i know you'll continue to help me out where it's needed, after all, we do complete each other, where i'm lacking, you're not and vice versa. and yes, i do read your blog, in response to your blog post. haha.

i just thought i'd type it out before turning in. it's a good practice to jot down one's thoughts. thank you God, thanks Vivian. =)

i've had ups and downs this CNY. cuz it's coupled together(get it? coupled? tgt? HAHAHA) with Valentine's day. so all we chinese out there can call this one, Valentines day burn.....

on the first morning of the first day of chinese new year, already bad start. had a small lil' argument with my dad in the morning about going back to M'sia. you know i dislike going there. but i kinda found the reason after going in. thank God that He allowed me to see a different light this year. i don't know why, but it was just different.

aside from that. yes, Vivian, my dearest bei er, i really do miss you alot. hell, i don't even know how much is enough to describe to you this irritating feeling of missing you yet not being able to see you, contact you or even talk to you. Thank God again that He provided the internet connection over there at your aunt's place. haha.

CNY loot was good. now i have funds. hahaha. time to go on a long awaited good date with you. haha. waiting for awhile more to convert my RM into SGD, then go on a spree at China Square. lol. provided that i have stuff to spree on. not forgetting to save money. haha. aye. that's all for now.

this whole period has really allowed me to see how much we really love each other. hasn't it? it's good. it's like, He purposely did this so that we'd see it. so i'm thankful to Him. and also thankful to Him for keeping me and you safe, esp last night whr i almost fell sick. haha, after the tomyam fish and coke with chivas. haha. i know you'll probably hit me on the head after reading this. haha. but yea. love you Vivian.

for the other readers of this blog, my apologies. esp to Jasper and gang. i know you need not see all the written affection and etc. but whatever. haha. my bad. i really had to do it. haha. Happy CNY to the rest of ya. hope that you too shall have abundance of Red Packets which are fat with funds. haha.